While most men my age seek prostitutes and cocaine when visiting Colombia (go watch another episode of Narcos bros), my quest was for something much more. I started my trip with a three-day life-changing ayahuasca retreat (to be discussed in a later blog entry). While I was doing this, two of my friends were motorcycling across Bolivia. We were going to meetup in Bogata the week of Thanksgiving and my intentions were to travel throughout Colombia and have nothin’ but a good time. But then the unthinkable happened: I fell in love with a girl…that lives in another country…typical. 🙄
The ayahuasca retreat was in Timbuktu (not really, but it was in the middle of nowhere). One night after completing a 10 hour ceremony, I fired up the ole tinder app and started swiping away. Colombian girls are extremely sexy, so I swiped with more enthusiasm than I ever have in the US, but I wasn’t expecting much more than a night of mild entertainment. Then it happened: I came across one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen in my 28 years. I gladly gave her a blue star super swipe and crossed my fingers. Low and behold, she fucking swiped right on me!
Her name is Yesi! 😍 We made plans to go on a date in Rona G (the West Hollywood of Bogota). Over a couple drinks each and a couple entrees (totaling $24 – have I mentioned how much I love Colombia?), we really got to know each other. We talked about how many kids we want (her zero, me one…), where we ultimately want to live (her Australia, me LA or potentially Australia 😳), the last time we were in love (both three or more years). After our night together, I concluded that not only was she gorgeous, but more importantly, she was one of the sweetest, most sincere and empathetic people I’ve ever met. Something about English being a girl’s second language has always turned me on. And watching Yesi speak her native tongue of Espanol makes me weak in the knees. I knew that I had to see her again.
We WhatsApp’ed on and off for a week. At the end of my trip, I had one night in Bogota before heading back to Los Angeles. We planned one more night together. I gave Yesi full creative control and it started with us going to a trendy restaurant. She took me to a dance club afterward. Immediately upon entering the club, I had cold sweats. I am easily the worst dancer currently living. I have no rhythm, and unless I’m dancing by myself like a complete idiot to Sheryl Crow, I absolutely hate dancing. I love kissing and cuddling (I make one hell of a big spoon), but fuck dancing. She somehow convinced me to dance. I don’t want to go too far into the details, but imagine if Napoleon Dynamite danced with Beyonce. That’s how fucking pathetic I was. Meanwhile my cold sweats were unbearable. I made some lame excuse to exit the dance floor immediately. The date concluded with us cuddling on a park bench waiting for a cab. We talked about how much I sucked at dancing. It was magical. Everything was great, except the fact that I was too chicken-shit to kiss her.
Have you ever liked someone so much that you are literally scared to kiss them? You fear that the kiss won’t live up to your unattainable expectations? And before you know it, you’re in another country and you can’t stop thinking about them and how amazing it would be to kiss them? Take a number. 😒
P.S. Yesi did ask me if she was part of a social experiment that I’d be blogging about. I told her no, but when I realized how much I liked her, she was amazing enough to allow me to post this. 😍